


baby’s breath

by Jeon_junguk



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Abusive Family, Choi Beomgyu and Choi Yeonjun are best friends, Choi Soobin Is Bad At Feelings, Choi Yeonjun Is Bad At Feelings, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Misunderstanding, Set in highschool, Soobin is trying his best, They all need a hug, Whipped yeonjun, Yeonjun is a little shit, a bit of internalized homophobia, attempts of fluff, baby’s breath means happiness, beomgyu just goes along with him, bully yeonjun, caring kai and taehyun, cute soobin, emotionless soobin, freshman kai, freshman taehyun, idk if theres gonna be smut but i’ll add it if i do add smut, junior soobin, no babies its the name of a flower, panicked gay soobin and yeonjun, senior yeonjun, soobin doesn’t know how he feels, soobin likes flowers, soobin needs a hug, sophomore beomgyu, yeonbin centric, yeonjun is trying his best, yeonjun needs a hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:22:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24610741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeon_junguk/pseuds/Jeon_junguk
Summary: “How do you feel?”“Baby’s breath”“what?”“It’s a flower”“oh, what does it mean?”“Happiness”Or, Soobin can’t express his emotions so he confesses to Yeonjun though flowers.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 18
Kudos: 117





	1. one

It's not that Soobin doesn’t feel anything. He does. He feels scared, happy, he feels the tightness in your stomach before the drop on a roller coaster. The problem is; he can’t express it. His older siblings make fun of him, call him a robot in human skin, but he can’t help it. 

He could watch a comedy movie and not crack a smile, a horror and not even flinch, a sad movie with a bored look on his face. 

Because of this, he.., doesn’t have many friends, in fact he only has two. He ONLY has two friends. They're the only people who talk to him not because they have to. 

Kai is shy, but once he became comfortable around Soobin he became the definition of crackhead. He laughs like it was a competition. Even though Soobin can’t show it, he really appreciates Kai for being with him.

Taehyun was dragged along by Kai, though Taehyun didn’t mind. Always there to laugh at Kai doing something stupid. Always there to be unbothered by Kai doing something embarrassing. He was so smart that when Soobin was struggling with his homework Taehyun finished it for him with no struggle during lunch.

“Wow Hyung you’re so smart,” Kai said with wide eyes as Taehyun gave Soobin his homework back.

Taehyun shrugged, “Learned that during summer.”

“You went to summer school?” Soobin asked while he looked over the work, a bored tone in his voice despite being genuinely impressed.

“No, I was just bored” 

Soobin was currently on his way to class, a bored look on his face. He was wondering about life after high school, he was a junior, and normally this is when you begin thinking about what you wanna do. But Soobin didn’t have a passion, he didn’t have something he was really good at, nothing that he loved doing. Unless watching documentaries counted. He wondered if he could get a job reviewing movies? That would be pretty fun-

“Move out my way kid!” Someone yells at him as he feels a pair of hands push him to the ground. Soobin quickly looks at who just pushed him.

Choi Yeonjun

Yeonjun stared at him, an angry look on his face. Soobin has heard a lot about Yeonjun. Rumors and gossip in the halls. 

“I heard he slept with ______”  
“I heard he beat up ____”  
“I heard a rumor he sucked off the teacher to get a good grade”  
“He's top of the class huh? I bet he slept with the teacher”  
“Don’t let him hear you, he beat up ___ the other day”

The person in front of him underwhelmed him. Maybe because Soobin was tall but Yeonjun seemed small. He expected to see a huge buff guy who made Soobin feel like an ant. But despite all that, Yeonjun seemed to pull on the energy in the room, blue hair bright on him, black ripped jeans and a black hoodie on, black nail polish on- 

‘wait, is he…, pouting?’

“Cute” Soobin says, not even realizing he did.

“What the fuck did you just call me?”

“Nothing,” Soobin got up quickly, “I need to get to class”

“Hey, you can’t just-“ Yeonjun reached out to him but Soobin was already walking away.

“Goodbye Choi Yeonjun.” Soobin said quickly as he (speed) walked away.

“What a fucking weirdo” Yeonjun said out loud, putting his hands into his pockets.

———

“How did you even fail that test, it was open notes,” Taehyun asked Kai while he looked at Kai’s 3/10 on their recent test.

“I thought the answers were trick questions; they seemed too obvious!” Kai yelled, grabbing his failed test back and shoving it in his backpack, embarrassed.

Taehyun rolled his eyes, “you seem to be thinking more than usual, did something happen?” Taehyun looked at Soobin who was staring into the table, clenching to his backpack.

“I talked to Choi Yeonjun,” Soobin said, not lifting his eyes to Taehyun. A monotone voice.

“Did he do something to you,” Kai asked, worried face, “I know his good friend, maybe I can talk to him-“

“He pushed me because we ran into each other, but he left me alone when I walked away. It is fine.” Soobin said, still staring at the lunch table.

“Are you sure? you seem.., out of it” Taehyun added.

Soobin finally looked up, “I'm sure,” he got up, putting his backpack on, “I have to go”.

“Soobin-“ Kai said

“goodbye,” Soobin walked away.

“Something happened,” Kai said as he looked at Taehyun.

“I agree, who’s your friend who knows Yeonjun,” Taehyun asked

“His name is Beomgyu, he's a sophomore. We have the same bus route,” Kai replied, “should we ask him what happened?”

“Yeah, you know Soobin. He won’t let us know if something is bothering him.”

———

Soobin stared at the flowers in his school’s garden. He loved flowers. He loved nature in general but flowers were beautiful, even when dead and died off they were pretty. 

“Cute”

Soobin mentally cringed at the memory of him calling Yeonjun cute. He was a guy and he just called him cute. It had slipped out, not even crossing his mind before he said it. He wondered what Yeonjun thought about flowers. He wondered what his favorite flower was, what his favorite scent was. 

“Hey giraffe neck!” 

Soobin quickly turned around, being met with a blue haired boy dressed in all black, a boy with black hair behind him.

“what are you doing here? This place is restricted,” Soobin said

“What are you doing here?” Yeonjun said, eyebrow raising as he stepped closer to Soobin.

“Mr.Jeon gave me the keys, he said I could come when I wanted to,” Soobin replied.

“Well you left the gate open.” Yeonjun stepped closer again, hands leaving his pants pockets, “Mr. Jeon gave them to you? Of fucking course he would, I bet you’re a teachers pet, have you told on me for pushing you already?”

“no, why would I. You seem to get into enough trouble on your own,” Soobin said, no ill intention besides telling the truth. 

“Listen kid-“ 

“Yeonjun there's people coming we have to go,” the guy with the black hair says, “wait is that Huening Kai?”

“Who? whatever, we’ll settle this later,” Yeonjun says quickly. 

“settle what?” Soobin says, a bit of confusion leaking into his voice.

He watches as Yeonjun and the boy with black hair run off. He keeps staring at the gate until Taehyun and Kai run in.

“They really ran off huh? I thought you said Beomgyu was cool?” Taehyun said, taking big breaths.

“He is!” Kai says, “Hyung did they do anything to you?” 

“Nothing besides empty threats,” Soobin bent down and touched the petals of the Gardenia flower, “did you know Gardenia’s are really hard to grow? They're really sensitive to temperature and even movement.”

“Hyung,” Kai called

“They smell really nice, but because of that insects are really attracted to them”

“Hyung,” Kai calls again

“I wonder how Mr. Jeon does such a good job growing them? Ah I should stop touching them”

“HYUNG!,” Kai yells

“Yes Kai?”

“You know you can talk to us hyung?”

“yeah,” Soobin stands up and faces then, “I know, come on; lunch is gonna end soon,” Soobin smiles and walks away.

“did he just-“ kai starts.

“smile?” Taehyun finishes.


	2. Dos

It's currently exactly 5:32AM on Saturday and Yeonjun was sitting at the edge of a dock. He didn’t exactly know where he was but he didn’t really care. He had run so fast and for so long that he collapsed on the ground.

He didn’t want to go home. He didn’t want to deal with his mother yelling at him and his father so drunk he couldn’t remember his own name. He didn’t want to deal with another bruise. He didn’t want to deal with having to push all his furniture in front of his door until no one could open it.

“Choi Yeonjun?”

Yeonjun snapped his neck around, being met with soobin in a black tracksuit.

“oh, hey noodle boy,” Yeonjun gets up, suddenly realizing how big Soobin is next to him, “what the hell are you doing at 5am.”

“I couldn’t sleep so I went out for a bike ride,” Soobin turns and points at the bike at the start of the dock, “I saw someone with blue hair and I only know one person like that.” 

“You should’ve just left me alone.”

“why?”

“because”

“because why?”

“god do you ever react?”

“I am reacting by replying”

“you’re like a robot! I feel like i'm talking to a sim,” Yeonjun hears Soobin swallow, “do you even have friends? like how the hell do you talk to people when you sound like you’ve been programmed my facebook to get people’s information” 

“Choi Yeonjun-“

“OH! You know what you sound like? You sound like an undercover cop trying to fit in with teenagers! You gonna ask me for drugs,” Yeonjun is just rambling, he didn’t even know if the things he was saying made sense, “wait you do have friends! Those guys that came to the garden yesterday! Holly shit! They feel bad don't they? I mean why else would they hang out with you? How can you feel ok like this? I swear this is the only time I've seen you without a white polo and badly fitted jeans. You’re boring, how do your friends stay with you honestly? Imagine having to hang out with a guy who takes things literally and who makes siri sound like a human being…, omg you should ask apple for a job they might give it to you as the korean voice for siri-“ it was the sniffling that got Yeonjun out of his rambling.

“Yeonjun please stop….,” Soobin cried, standing like a stick, arms pushed to his sides, head looking down, tears dropping onto the wood of the dock.

Yeonjun is a bad person. He knows that. He knew that from when he punched a kid in the face for saying his favorite color is the same as his in 1st grade. Not even then did he feel bad. Not even when the teacher made him write a sorry note to the boy. He had written “I don't feel sorry, but I feel sorry I made your face uglier,” (which got him in more trouble.)

But watching Soobin cry actually pained his heart. He didn’t know if it was because Soobin has never shown any emotion, or because suddenly Yeonjun realized all the things he told him, maybe it's the look in Soobins eyes.

Yeonjun was honestly in shock. He was so shocked that when Soobin walked away and picked up his bike, Yeonjun just stood there. Even when Soobin rode away. Yeonjun stood there. Who knows how much time passed until Yeonjun snapped out of it.

“FUCK!”

———

Yeonjun’s plan on Monday was to totally avoid Soobin like he was the plague. Easy enough right? They had no classes together. 

But that all went downhill when Yeonjun got out of the bathroom stall and saw Soobin washing his hands. His heart stopped beating for a second. Soobin had under eye circles, his lips were pressed together (which causes his dimples to show). He seemed like a robot. 

Yeonjun suddenly remembered Soobin on Saturday. He had looked like a kicked puppy, and Yeonjun had been the asshole to kick him. 

He could just ignore what happened. Look the other way. Pretend he didn’t make Soobin cry. 

“Soobin,” Yeonjun called out

‘WHY DID I CALL OUT TO HIM?’ 

Soobin looked up at the mirror in front of him then back to Yeonjun.

“Hello Choi Yeonjun” 

The no emotion in his voice made his heart stop again.

“I… listen, I didn’t mean the shit I said the other day…,” Yeonjun looks away, “I mean, you’re like a robot but you’re friends seem to like you enough… I doubt they’ll leave you anytime soon…” 

If Soobin could show his emotions, he would smile.

“I accept your apology.” 

“It’s not an apology,” Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “plus, I know you have emotions because you called me cute the other day.”

Soobin suddenly blushed, but his face stayed the same, “I wasn't calling you cute. Well not to say you’re not cute I think you’re handsome but not that way. You just happen to fit the beauty standards of our world and that makes you objectively handsome. With no emotions involved; you’re handsome.” 

‘Is Soobin…, panicking?’

Yeonjun chuckled, “You think I'm handsome?”

“yes, objectively”

“You're weird kid.” 

“I know,” Soobin says, looking at his watch, “I must go to class Choi Yeonjun.”

“oh my god, please just call me Hyung or something”

“ok Hyung, i must go to class,” Soobin walks to the door, “have a good day hyung”

“don't tell me what to do”

Soobin leaves the bathroom.

Yeonjun stared at himself in the mirror, totally ignoring that his heart was now traveling faster than the speed of light. 

———

Soobin felt much better after his talk with Yeonjun. He has stayed up the past 2 nights staring into his ceiling thinking about what he had said. 

It’s not like he wanted to seem like a robot all the time.

-

“Soobin you have to stop crying! It’s just a cartoon the characters didn’t get hurt,” his mother held his tiny hands and he sobbed.

“I'm s-sorry momma but I can-can’t stop,” he only sobbed more. 

“Soobin you’re a man,” his father got up from his seat, “stop crying or i’ll give you something to cry about.” 

“Jinhyun, he’s a kid. This is normal,” his mother tried calming down her husband.

“Suhan, San and Sohee turned out fine how did my last son come out as such a f-ggot,” his father yells.

At the time Soobin didn’t know what his father was saying. He was too busy crying over his favorite cartoon character slipping on a banana. 

He's not sure if he's happy that he didn’t understand what his father was saying. Maybe it would have saved him a lot of confusion about who he liked in the future. Maybe he would have finally had a reason as to why his father hated him so much. 

-

Soobin shook the memories of his father away. He was content for now. Yeonjun apologized and maybe now they can be friends, or at least be friendly towards each other. 

Soobin had been the first person to arrive at the cafeteria, he placed down his backpack and pulled out his lunch. It didn’t take long until he heard a loud laugh and the sound of sneakers on the cafeteria floor.

“Hyung! Hyung! Guess what! guess guess guess,” HueningKai chanted as he ran up to Soobin, whose face was stuffed with bread.

A very annoyed Taehyun followed behind HueningKai, “you’re being so loud Kai, the entire school can hear you.”

“Taehyun has a crush but he won’t tell me who it is so you have to help me,” HueningKai sat down next to Soobin who was still eating his bread. Kai pulled out a piece of ruffled up paper, “I’ve written a list of people i’ve seen him talk to recently I think that if we start naming them and see how he reacts to each name we can narrow down the list!”

“You’re insane Kai,” Taehyun says as he sits in front of the duo, “it’s not even a crush, I saw a boy the other day at thought he was cute” 

“So it's a boy…,” Kai quickly pulls out a pen with a bear plush on top, scribbling out names, “is it Jin hyung?”

“no,” Taehyun deadpans, “How have you been Soobin? You seem pretty tired.” 

“Is it…, Baekhyung-Hyung,” Kai asks

“no.” Taehyun says

“I didn’t sleep well last night, but I feel..,ok,”Soobin puts the last piece of bread into his mouth.

“that's good to hear hyung,” Kai says, “is it HyunJin hyung?” 

“No it's not, won't you just give it up,” Taehyun asks.

“No! I wanna know,” Kai yells, “Is it Beomgyu hyung?”

Taehyun immediately tenses up

“IT'S BEOMGYU HYUNG!?” Kai yells

“What about Beomgyu,” Yeonjun sits down next to Taehyun, who looks like he's gonna pass out from embarrassment. 

“Nothing…, nothing…, HueningKai is just feeling unwell..,” Taehyun explains

“No I don't! I feel just fine Hyung-“

“Come on Kai, let's leave them be. I need to talk to you anyways…”

Taehyun and Hueningkai leave the cafeteria and to what Soobin can only assume, Kai’s death.

“Can I come to your house after school Soobin,” Yeonjun asks, staring at a Soobin who was drinking his banana milk from a straw.

Soobin was honestly really taken back by this sudden request. It was only a couple days ago that Yeonjun was bringing him to tears. 

“What for Hyung,” asks Soobin.

“um.. I just don’t wanna go home.”

“Why don't you go with your other friend?” 

“We argued about something stupid and now we’re not talking.”

Soobin couldn’t shake away the bad feeling in his stomach. Soobin has trust issues, and Yeonjun suddenly being friendly doesn’t help his uneasiness. But who was Soobin to say no to Yeonjun. 

Soobin stares at Yeonjun for a second, like he’s thinking, “Ok. Meet me in the front of the school doors. I walk home if that's ok.” 

Yeonjun smiles at him, “nice! see you then” 

Soobin’s heart skips a beat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAHH THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT! I really wasn’t expecting it! I’m really enjoying writing this story but i’m having trouble with pacing it... i’m not sure how many chapters it will be.... I was listening to Nicki the whole time I was writing this. Comment and kudos would he appreciated!


	3. San

Soobin was standing by the front doors of his school, both hands on each strap of his backpack. He stared down to his old pair of sneakers. He has other ones,  _ nicer ones _ , but he never saw a reason to wear them when these still did the job fine. 

“Hi,” a voice called to him.

“Hello Yeonjun Hyung” 

“Why do you greet me so formally,” Yeonjun makes a fake grossed out face. 

“How would you like me to greet you,” Soobin asks.

“Like a person…, whatever, come on let's go, which way is your house?” 

“To the left.”

Soobin’s house wasn’t large, or extremely nice. But it wasn’t ugly or roughed up. It was exactly middle class. His older siblings were old enough to be moved out or be in college. 

Soobin unlocked the door and took off his shoes replacing them with slippers. 

“Would you like something to drink,” Soobin asks on his way to the kitchen.

“A water would be nice,” Yeonjun looked around. There were family photos everywhere, baby pictures all over the walls and shelves. It definitely felt much homey than his house, “where’s your mom?” 

“Working,” Soobin answers, handing Yeonjun his water.

“oh.., what about your dad,” Yeonjun takes a slip from the water.

“He passed away a couple years ago.”

Yeonjun’s eyes widened, “oh my god! I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that.” 

“Don’t be sorry, you didn't know. Come on, my room upstairs.”

Soobin’s room had more personality than Soobin himself. The walls were covered with framed pressed flowers. He had 3 book shelves neatly organized with different types of books. He had a bunny plushie on his bead. A desk covered in books, sketch book, paints and a vase with flowers. On his window sill had flowers and plants growing out of different pots, In the corner he had a white pet bunny.

“Oh my god you have a bunny,” Yeonjun stated more than asking.

“Yeah, my sister got him for me when she moved out so I would be ‘less lonely’.”

“Oh, you have siblings?”

“2 older brothers and an older sister. They all moved out.” 

“So it’s just you

“Just me, my mom and Soobun.”

“Seriously? His name is Soobun?”

“My sister named him that, not me. It's because she said he looks like me.” 

“I think I agree with her. He’s so cute.”

Soobin is gonna ignore Yeonjun indirectly calling him cute. The blush on his cheeks isn’t.

“ehm…, what do you wanna do Hyung?” 

Yeonjun shrugs, “I don't know.., you sure do like flowers. You have so many books about them.”

“My grandparents used to own a flower shop. When my dad died my mom had to start working more so my siblings and I stayed with my grandparents a lot. I think that’s how my love started for flowers. My grandparents had a lot of love for the plants. My grandpa had told me a flower grows more beautiful and healthy when it’s loved and cared for,” Soobin takes the pedals of the flower in the vase in between his fingers, “I think that’s what didn’t happen to me. My parents didn’t care for me so I grew… well you can see what I grew up to be.”

Yeonjun had no idea what to say. He felt the sudden urge to hug and protect Soobin from anything that could hurt him. To kiss his face, neck, nose and tell him he’s loved. 

“Sorry…, that was.. too much.” Soobin clears his throat, still looking at the flowers in the vase. 

“No! No! I like it when you open up to me, I just didn’t know what to say.... I’m sure your parents love you Soobin (Who couldn’t?),” Yeonjun sits down on top of Soobin’s bed, “can I get your phone number?”

“Oh yeah sure,” Soobin takes out his phone hands it to Yeonjun to put his phone number in, “you’ll be my 7th contact”

“what,” Yeonjun asks

“well, before I only had my family, Hueningkai and Taehyun. But now I also have you. Maybe now I can use my phone more often,” Soobin says and smiles.

Soobin  _ smiles _

and Yeonjun thinks he’s gonna pass out, because Holly shit his smile, his dimples, his crescent moon eyes, his everything. Yeonjun wants to kiss his dimples and pat his head- and holy shit Yeonjun is crushing on Soobin. He’s crushing on him. Choi Yeonjun likes Choi Soobin. 

“oh that was weird wasn’t it? Taehyun tells me it's weird when I smile..,” Soobin covers his face with both his hands and Yeonjun immediately goes to stop him. 

“Not at all, I like your smile. You should smile more,” Yeonjun smiled back at him.

_ He’s gonna have to text Beomgyu that he can’t meet him. _

_ —— _

Yeonjun might have forgotten to text Beomgyu about his change of plans. It’s been 2 hours, and Yeonjun has been having so much fun with Soobin, now all their doing is watching season 3 of master chef because Soobin says he really likes the winner of this season. Yeonjun hasn’t been paying attention though. He’s been looking at Soobin’s dimples every time he eats his chips. 

_ God he eats like a bunny _

He’s been listening to Soobin’s thoughts about the constants and their dishes.

“Frank looks like a good cook but he seems to only do the same thing, he has no creativity. He is a good leader though,” Soobin says staring at the screen. 

_ Whatever you say Bun, I’ll agree  _

“You should answer that,” Soobin turns to him.

“What?”

“Someone is calling you.”

“Oh shit,” Yeonjun gets up from his lying position on the bed. 

“ **Gyu 🤡** ”

“I’ll be right back in a minute ,” Yeonjun steps out Soobin’s room, “What do you want Beomgyu?”

**“Hi to you too you asshole. I thought we were gonna meet up after school? I’ve been waiting for your text?”**

“oh”

**“where are you? Don’t tell me you forgot?”**

“No, no, I didn’t forget. plans just changed…”

**“Whatever, you owe me ice cream**

**I've been waiting forever. Are we gonna do this some other day then?”**

“Uh, well. I don’t wanna get in trouble.”

“ **Since when did you care about getting in trouble? Plus no one is gonna know. Well besides me.”**

Yeonjun sighed, he could practically hear Beomgyu’s eye roll, “fine tomorrow, but you’re buying the spray paints”

“It’s been a minute,” Soobin is standing in his doorway.

Yeonjun sighs again, “I’ll call you later Gyu.”

**“WAIT! You’re not home-?”**

“You need to stop taking things so seriously.” Yeonjun walks back into Soobin's room.

“You said you’d be back in a minute.” 

“Did you count?” 

“Yes, with Mississippi‘s.”

_ He’s so cute _

Yeonjun chuckles, “I have to go, do you mind walking me home? I… uh… My dad doesn’t like me walking home alone at night.”

_ Liar, you’re dad doesn’t care, you just wanna spend time with him. _

“Sure hyung. Let me get a jacket.”

—-

Their walk to Yeonjun’s house was a comfortable silence. Yeonjun is confident, really confident, to the point he’s cocky but something about being with Soobin makes him feel small and warm, and he thinks he's addicted to that feeling. 

He’s so addicted that he lied to Soobin as to why he should go to his house. Ok half lied. Yeonjun doesn’t want to go home but he didn’t fight with Beomgyu. 

He can’t help wanting to be with Soobin. His heart beats at a different pace when he’s with Soobin. 

“Um, what’s the spray paint for,” Soobin asks, face blank but there's a sparkle in his eyes that makes Yeonjun’s tummy feel weird.

“What?”

“I promise I wasn’t eavesdropping Hyung, you just talk loud. You told Beomgyu to buy spray paints,” Soobin looked over to Yeonjun who was currently trying to think of excuses.

He didn’t want to tell Soobin he was gonna vandalize their school and draw huge dicks on the front walls with pink spray paints. Something tells him Soobin wouldn’t like that.

“We’re gonna paint something with them,” Yeonjun blurts out.

_ Don’t push on it please _

“Really? Can I please see it once it’s done Hyung?” 

How was Yeonjun supposed to turn down Soobin when he asked him so nicely? Even if Yeonjun is totally lying to his face. It’s fine. He’ll make his lie real just for Soobin.

“Sure Binnie.”

Soobin pushes his lips together, causing his dimples to show up and Yeonjun feels like he's falling. 

  
  


They eventually get to Yeonjun’s house and suddenly Yeonjun feels embarrassed because his house was nowhere near as nice and homey as Soobin. His house looked like the witch's house in a fairy tale and Soobin looked like the princess’s castle. His worries about his house quickly gets replaced with the realization his father is home. 

“Ok, I should get inside Soobin. It was nice hanging out with you. Goodbye,” Yeonjun quickly waved to Soobin and went inside quietly. Thankfully he could hear the snoring from his living room. 

Yeonjun sneaked to the living room, being met with the sight of his drunk passed out father on the couch. Half his body hanging off the cough and bottle of whiskey leaking onto the floor.

Yeonjun rolled his eyes. That's his dad’s problem. He sneaked to his room, the side of his peripheral vision catching his mother also passed out on his parents (more like moms) bed. 

Yeonjun walked into his room. Locking all 3 locks like it was second nature. His room was actually pretty clean, that’s because he’s never here. He comes to sleep and that's about it. He has a bed, a desk and a lamp with a dying light bulb. 

He’s never taking Soobin here, Soobin will never like seeing how he lives.

“wait…, what does Soobin even think of me?”

Yeonjun stares onto the ground.

“Can he even.. feel what I feel?”

Yeonjun is super cocky, and because of that whenever he wants someone, he just asks them, and almost always they say yes. But Yeonjun doesn’t know how to ask Soobin. He doesn’t even know if Soobin can feel love? Has Soobin ever had a crush? Has Soobin had his first kiss? Does Soobin even like boys? What if he doesn’t like boys? What will Yeonjun do then?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imma pretend i didn’t write this totally differently but then I found a plot hole so i rewrote it and honestly it was better before what whatever. Thanks for all the support!


	4. IV

It's been exactly 36 hours, 12 mins and 3 seconds since Soobin saw Yeonjun. Yeah he saw him yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. Soobin couldn’t stop the weird feeling he had when he wasn’t with Yeonjun, but he also couldn’t stop the weird feeling he had when he was with Yeonjun. He just made Soobin feel so many things, and Soobin was addicted to it. 

“Hyung, you’ve been hanging out with Yeonjun Hyung so much and never with us,” Kai put his head on the lunch table and pouted, “we have to force you to go out with us but Yeonjun can just pout and you’ll be following him to the ends of the earth.”

“I don’t know what you mean by that,” Soobin told Kai.

Both Kai and Taehyun rolled their eyes, “wasn’t he like, bullying you 2 weeks ago,” Taehyun asked.

“We talked about it.” 

_ No we didn’t  _

Soobin’s eyes slowly looked over to the bright blue hair in the cafeteria doors. 

“Taehyun! Yeonjun Hyung is with Beomgyu Hyung! Do you need a mirror? I think I have chapstick,” Kai looked through his backpack.

Taehyun just slapped his back.

“Sup,” Yeonjun sat down next to Soobin, Beomgyu standing beside him, “Binnie, I finished the painting, it's drying in the garden. Wanna go see it after school?”

“Ok Yeonjun Hyung,” Soobin responds, suddenly feeling hot after Yeonjun called him Binnie. 

“Kay, see you later,” Yeonjun gets up and taps Beomgyu on the shoulder.

“Seriously “Binnie” why don’t you just call him babe,” Beomgyu laughs.

Kai and Taehyun start laughing too.

“Shut up kid,” Yeonjun wraps his around Beomgyu’s shoulder as they walk away from the 3 boys.

Soobin stares at Yeonjun’s arm around Beomgyu. He feels a different feeling again. 

Soobin wonders if there was a book for all the different feelings someone can feel. 

Soobin can feel but he never knows what he feels, he never knows how to tell someone. 

Soobin remembered when he did know.

-

_ “Are you fucking serious Soobin? You’re 7 now! Stop crying! It’s just a cut.” His father yelled at him. _

_ Soobin tried stopping the tears from coming out. He didn’t like crying. He didn’t like getting yelled at by his dad. _

_ “You need to stop babying him. He needs to learn how to take care of himself,” his father yelled at his mother. _

_ His mother stayed quiet. She silently cleaned his finger. She began breathing heavily as his father continued yelling. _

_ Soobin stopped listening once he saw the tears fall from his mother's face. _

_ “I’m sorry,” Soobin whispered to her. She looked up to Soobin and touched his cheek. “I’ll stop crying, so he stops yelling. Please stop crying mom.” _

_ His mother smiled at him.  _

-

On his 15th birthday his grandparents gave him a book named “The Meaning of Flowers: Myth, Language, and Lore.”

Soobin became obsessed with that book. Reading it over and over again until every single line was engraved into his brain. 

He loved that these flowers meant so much. So much more than words can explain. 

—-

“Why do you always act so cool around Soobin’s friends,” Beomgyu says, picking at the grass.

“His friends scare me, well just Taehyun. He looks like he’s trying to set me on fire with his eyes.”

“I like that,” Beomgyu smirks.

“Of course you do,” Yeonjun chuckles, “Hey, help me prop this up.”

“Are you gonna confess to him with this?” Beomgyu grabbed the canvas and pushed it up against the fence around the garden.

“What? No?”

“Why not? I haven't seen you in love since we watched Haikyuu together.” 

“I.. don’t even know if he likes boys!”

“Have you even seen Soobin? He’s definitely gay.”

“Well, I don’t even know if he feels the same. I don’t even know if he can feel the same.”

“You’re so dumb.”

“I'm your Hyung, have some respect.”

“You sure don’t act like my Hyung,” Beomgyu pat's Yeonjun’s shoulder, “confess to him Hyung, I promise it’ll be ok.” 

Yeonjun sighs

—-

Soobin felt his heart begin beating faster as he walked to the garden. He couldn’t figure out why. He wasn’t even running.

Soobin pushed in the gate. The smell of all the different flowers hit him. 

He loved the smell of flowers. He loved passing flower shops, or the flower sections in stores. It reminded him of his Grandparents shop.

“WAIT! Close your eyes!”

Soobin jumped.

Soobin gets scared ok.

“Oh shit, sorry I didn’t mean to scare you Binnie,” Yeonjun laughed, “close your eyes.”

Soobin closed his eyes. He felt Yeonjun grab his hand and drag him to where he wanted him.

“Ok hold on,” Yeonjun let go of his hand and Soobin didn’t like the sudden coldness he felt when Yeonjun let go, “if it sucks, it was all Beomgyu’s idea. Ok, open your eyes” 

Soobin opened his eyes. A huge canvas laid against the garden’s fence, but Soobin didn’t even notice the size of the canvas.

Soobin walked up to the painting. It was graffiti styled flowers,  _ different types  _ of flowers. The flowers were against a black background. They contrasted beautifully with the bright, almost neon, colors of the flowers.

Soobin was shocked. He felt something again, but this time he knew what it was.

“Ok I didn’t know what flowers to do, so I looked up flowers on google. Beomgyu told me to use different colors but I thought the bright colors would look nice against the black. I actually had to go work with my friend for the paints because I had no idea neon spray paints were that expensive? I had to buy a bunch of different colors for all the different flowers. Beomgyu actually bought the canvas for me. Do you not like it? I mean yeah it kinda sucks ass, but you know I don’t do art often and honestly I had to do this at night because I didn’t have time and i also had to do it outside and I couldn’t see well-“

“A red chrysanthemums,” Soobin says, finger dragging over the flowers on the canvas.

“Oh, I don’t know the name of the flowers. I probably should’ve looked them up huh,” Yeonjun scratched the back of his head.

“No it’s perfect.”

“Really?” Yeonjun raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Soobin turned to him, hand still on the canvas, “Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

“You remind me of an orchid ”

”a what?”

Soobin smiled at him.

_ A red chrysanthemums: I love you _

An Orchid;  _ beauty, luxury, perfection, magnificence  _

_ That's how I'll tell him. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAHH!! Im sorry for not posting! I’m thinking about posting every other day, or every two days! I’ll see how much I write 🧐


	5. cinq

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: // abuse   
> If doesn’t go into full detail but it’s briefly mentioned. Comment if you want summary if you don’t want to read this chapter!

Yeonjun helped Soobin carry the canvas home. Both swapping who’s carrying is despite Yeonjun claiming he can carry it the whole way. 

-  
“Are you sure you wanna take this home,” Yeonjun asked as Soobin tried figuring out how he was gonna take it home.

“Yeah, I wanna put it above my bed.”  
-

Soobin didn’t expect his oldest brother (Suhan) to be home.

“Hi Soobinnie,” Suhan hugged his brother, making sure to squeeze so hard that Soobin could taste his breakfast again, “ Wow you’re taller than me! But you still have your baby face.”

“Hello Hyung,” Soobin whispered back.

Yeonjun stood behind Soobin, awkwardly holding onto the canvas.

“Oh my bad dude, I didn’t even see you there. Name’s Suhan,” Suhan greeted 

Is everyone in Soobin’s family so good looking?

Suhan was tall, definitely not Soobin tall but tall. His hair was black and slicked back. 

If anyone was the complete opposite of Soobin, it was Suhan. Suhan was expressive, sometimes too much for his own good. He constantly had energy, always jumping around and dancing. 

-

“Suhan sweetie please calm down, you're moving the rug,” his mother sighed as Suhan jumped in the living room.

“Come on, he’s a kid, let him play,” his father smiled watching Suhan rolling on the ground.

-

Suhan had a naturally flirty personality, though 99% of the time he never noticed it, let alone mean it. He has gotten into so many fights from misunderstandings that they had to move due to his school expelling him.

-

“Oh my god Suhan what happened to you,” his mother ran to now 16 year old Suhan who had a black eye.

“Some dude punched me for thinking I was flirting with his girlfriend.” 

“Were you” his oldest sister questioned.

Suhan grinned, “it was an accident, I didn’t know calling a girl pretty was flirting, I was just complimenting her.”

-

“O-oh I’m Choi Yeonjun,” Yeonjun said quickly, wiping his hands to shake Suhans. 

“Another Choi,” Suhan grinned, “What do you have there?”

Yeonjun suddenly remembered he was holding.

“It’s a painting he painted for me,” Soobin suddenly grabbed the painting from Yeonjun’s hands, “Mom doesnt come home until 7, what are you doing home so early?” 

“Came to meet some friends, just wanted to say hi to my little brother,” Suhan patted Soobin’s head, “But you have company over and I wouldn’t want to interrupt you. See you later lil bro, bye Yeonjun~” Suhan winked.

Yeonjun and Soobin watched as Suhan left.

“Dude, your brother is hot.”

Soobin’s expression changed, “he’s not that great. Come on,”

—-

Legend has it Soobin and Yeonjun spent 1 hour and a half trying to hang the painting only for it to end up crooked.

—- 

The weekend came slowly. Soobin stayed up all night watching romance movies, trying to figure out a good way to tell Yeonjun about his feelings.

He was currently in the twilight eclipse. He honestly doesn’t think the movies will help him very much but he already started them and now he feels like finishing them. He’s happy no one is home because he doesn’t want to explain to anyone why he's watching twilight. 

Soobin was originally planning on telling Yeonjun through flowers but he then remembered; Yeonjun doesn’t know the meaning of flowers. 

Soobin sighed. He doesn’t even know how Yeonjun feels about him. What if Yeonjun see’s him as a close friend and then Soobin confesses and Yeonjun is weirded out and then he never talks to Soobin again. Soobin doesn’t think he can live without Yeonjun anymore. 

Negative thoughts begin flooding Soobin’s mind. 

Soobin is knocked out of his thoughts when there's a loud and frantic knocking at his door. 

Soobin runs down his stairs and opens the door. Soobin is met with Yeonjun who was pinching his nose and holding his cheek.

“Hyung-“

“Can I please come in,” Yeonjun spoke with obvious fear and panic.

“Just come in Hyung,” Soobin let Yeonjun walk in, quickly closing the door behind him and locking it, “What happened?”

“My dad and I were arguing again, my mom stood there also yelling at me, and he just hit me and she let him and,” Yeonjun stopped speaking when blood leaked from his cut on his left check. 

Soobin ran for tissues and a med kick from his kitchen. He sat Yeonjun down on the stairs and stood in front of him. 

“It’s gonna hurt but I need to clean it.”

Yeonjun didn’t say anything and just stared at Soobin. 

Soobin took Yeonjun’s chin with his hand, patting the cut with the alcohol wipes.

Yeonjun’s mind suddenly malfunctioned. The thoughts about his father hitting him all vanished. He was astonished with Soobin. His pretty hands, pretty face, pretty eyes, pretty dimples, pretty cheeks, pretty lips.

Yeonjun didn’t exactly know what he was thinking when he leaned forward to kiss Soobin, he didn’t know how to react when Soobin didn’t kiss back.

“Holly shit i’m so sorry I didn’t know why I did that, i wasn’t even thinking about it,” Yeonjun suddenly felt his stomach drop at Soobin’s expressionless face.

Soobin avoided eye contact, looking down at his fingers, “It’s ok, my mom used to give me a kiss when I would get hurt and it made my wound hurt less,” Soobin looked up to a very panicked Yeonjun, “if it makes you feel better you can kiss me.”

Yeonjun didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want his first kiss with Soobin to be out of empathy, but also he couldn’t forget how Soobin’s lips felt like.

Yeonjun closed his eyes and leaned forward, head tilting a bit. His lips eventually hit Soobin’s. 

Yeonjun has kissed a lot of people, too many to count, a lot in a loud drunk party in a closet of the house of someone he doesn’t know.

He’s never felt the spark he felt when he touched Soobin’s lips, never felt something so soft and sweet. His lips moved, wanting to taste as much sweetness as possible. 

Did Soobin eat candy before this?

Soobin on the other hand was trying really hard. He’s never kissed anyone. Eyes shut tight and lips trying to do the same thing Yeonjun is doing. And even though his lungs are burning from the lack of air he doesn’t want Yeonjun to stop. 

Yeonjun pushed his tongue through Soobin’s lips causing Soobin to make a surprised sound. Yeonjun smiled into the kiss.

He could tell Soobin hasn’t kissed anyone, if he’s had it must have been in 1st grade because Soobin sucked at kissing. 

Yeonjun didn’t care though, he didn’t care that Soobin’s tongue moved too much or that he was gripping his shoulders too hard. 

Soobin pulled back, face red and breathing heavy. He whipped his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“I couldn’t breath,” Soobin whispered, obviously embarrassed.

“Yeah, I couldn’t either,” Yeonjun smiled at Soobin, “thank you.”

“For what,” Soobin questioned, head tilted a bit.

“For letting me kiss you, I feel better.”

“Oh, no problem Hyung.”

Yeonjun got up, ignoring the tingling on his lips left by Soobin, “can I stay the night.., I don’t want to go home.”

“Of course Hyung,” Soobin picked up the med kit from the stairs, “Yeonjun?”

Yeonjun ignored that Soobin didn’t call him Hyung, “Yes Binnie?”

“You remind me of a consolida”

“Dude I have no idea what you mean by that.”

Soobin smiled, “I know. I was watching twilight.”

“Sick bro,” Yeonjun laughed.

A consolida: open heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking about making the next chapter about what happened or have Yeonjun explain it to Soobin... Hm... Side note: Im not too sure if i want to add smut to this? I might make another story where the smut is there so you can choose to read it or maybe write a chapter thats just smut and then you can skip it if you want. I really want to write very confused Soobin and a confident Yeonjun smut. Let me know what you think! Thank you so much for the support on this! It makes me so happy!!!


	6. seks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW//; mention of abuse

Yeonjun could hear his blood pumping in his ears. 

He wasn’t doing anything; he was laying on his stomach next to Soobin, watching some twilight movie. Honestly Yeonjun wasn’t paying enough attention to care. He didn’t even notice the shitty korean dub over the english. 

Every time he saw Soobin, he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing him.

“Soobin?”

“Hm,” Soobin mumbled, obviously too focused on the movie to care.

Yeonjun turned to lay on his back, looking up to the ceiling, “are.., are things gonna be weird between us?”

There was a pause before Soobin replied, “No, why would they be Hyung?”

“Well…, we,” Yeonjun cleared his throat, suddenly getting really hot, “most friends don’t kiss and well.., stay friends.”

Yeonjun looked over to Soobin who still had his eyes glued to the screen.

“Oh…, I don’t wanna stop being friends…,” Soobin finally looked over to Yeonjun, “We shouldn’t kiss anymore then.”

_ Shit shit that was the total opposite of what I wanted _

“NO! I mean, no. Only some people stop being friends, that's only when things get weird… that’s why I asked you.., I just wanted to make sure,” Yeonjun felt his face get hot as Soobin stared at him.

“Has that ever happened to you?”

Yeonjun laughed, “yeah once I kissed Beomgyu, we both hated it and sweared to never talk about it it again, after that things got weird until he got jumped and I helped him, now we’re close again.”

“Oh. You were my first kiss.”

“Yeah I could tell.”

Yeonjun saw Soobin’s bottom lip push out more.

_ He’s pouting…. _

“Can I kiss you again,” Yeonjun asked quietly.

Soobin nodded, leaning closer to Yeonjun.

Their lips touched and Yeonjun felt the spark again. He tasted the sweetness he craved again.

Yeonjun moved slowly at first, but as time passed he wanted more, so he moved fast, getting up to push onto Soobin more.

“You know, you’re not that bad, you learn fast,” Yeonjun said into the kiss.

Soobin broke the kiss for a second before Yeonjun started kissing him again. 

Yeonjun grabbed Soobin’s waist, slowly pushing him onto the bed and getting on top of him.

“Hyung.”

“Yes Binnie?”

“What happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought you were kissing me to make yourself feel better about what happened with your dad.”

_ Oh, right. _

“Do you really wanna know what happened?”

“Yes”

“My dad is a drunk, and my mom is a lady who stays with him for the money. I don’t remember the last time my father  _ wasn’t  _ drunk. I went out and got home to see my dad having sex with some random ass lady, heres the thing; My mom was literally upstairs, not that she cares but have a little respect you know? Anyway he got angry at me that I saw. The lady ran away and my mom came down stairs. He yelled at me as always, and I didn’t even care because I was used to it, I called him a drunk and then he hit me. When he did it I… I was in shock because I didn’t expect it. Then he kept hitting me, I saw my mom stand behind him doing nothing… not even telling him to stop nothing… I got up and ran, I then ended up in your house..,” Yeonjun laid back on his back looking at the ceiling again, “it’s nothing new. It happens all the time, i'm used to it but I just wanted to come see you.”

“My dad used to hit me too,” Soobin quietly said, “I used to cry a lot when I was younger, and he didn’t like that so he would hit me but it would make me cry more. One day he hit my mom…, ever since then I tried not crying…, I think that’s when I started to be like this… I never expressed emotion and even when he died… I didn’t cry. My mom got angry at me and my siblings just stared at me. I don’t talk to my mom a lot. I don’t think he hit me because I cried though…”

“W-why?”

“He called me a f-ggot a lot…, I didn’t know what it meant until after he died…,” Soobin looked down to his hands, “I guess he didn’t like that I was gay. I don’t know how he knew though…, I didn’t even know…”

Yeonjun got up and gave Soobin a peck, “to make you feel better.”

Soobin’s lips curled up a bit, “thank you Hyung.”

Yeonjun could live with get better kisses.

  
  


—-

The days passed, and Yeonjun spent almost every waking second with Soobin. They practically did everything together. Even studying together for the midterms coming up.

-

_ “Hyung you’re so smart,” Soobin said, looking over the work Yeonjun helped him with. _

_ “I wanna get out of my house so I try to keep good grades for college.” _

_ “There’s no doubt you’ll do amazing in whatever you do,” Soobin looks to him, meeting Yeonjun’s gaze. _

_ “I wanna dance,” Yeonjun says with a smile on his face. _

_ Soobin nodded as he looked back down to the paper. _

_ - _

Soobin felt himself feel more. Sometimes he felt so much that he didn’t know what it was. He just knew he wanted to be with Yeonjun. He wanted to kiss him again. They haven’t kissed since the day Yeonjun ran to his house. 

His lips have been tingling to kiss Yeonjun again but they were just to make Yeonjun feel better. And Soobin didn’t want Yeonjun to think he was weird.

  
  


He still hasn’t found the words to tell Yeonjun how he feels. He can’t find words to string together to tell him how much he makes him feel.

Soobin and Yeonjun were in the garden, their usual meeting spot during lunch. 

Yeonjun was watching Soobin chew on his sandwich, eyeing how his dimples show when he chews. They didn’t always have to talk, silence felt comfortable around them.

“Choi Yeonjun!”

Yeonjun got up quickly, alarmed at the loud calling of his name. He snapped his head to the swung open gate.

“Oh, Hi Jonghoon,” Yeonjun put his hands in his pockets.

“Don’t hi me you asshole, why the fuck where you talking to Dayul,” Jonghoon walked infront of an unimpressived Yeonjun.

“Dude, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Literally no fucking clue.”

“Motherfucker, you know what im talking about, you were talking to her at Yoojung’s party.

“I didn’t even go to that party, if your girl is cheating on you it was with some other asshole, not me.”

“You fuck everyone and everything, you must think im a fucking idiot.” 

“Kinda, yeah. Can you just hit me, I'm getting bored dude.”

Jonghoon raised his arm to swing it and Yeonjun stood there, ready to block his hit. Suddenly he felt the ground against his back and Soobin was standing in his spot.

“Get out,” Soobin said in a calm voice. His face is straight but much more serious than Yeonjun has ever seen him. Soobin stood much more taller than Jonghyoon. Jonghyoon noticed, he suddenly fixed his pasture, now standing slightly taller. 

“Who in the actual fuck are you dude? I’ll fuck you and him up.” 

“My mom is the state Attorney and my sister has her own law firm, just leave.” 

Jonghyoon stood for a second, eyes squinting as he thinks. He turns his heel back to the gate, hands to the side.

Yeonjun, who’s now standing, sighs, patting Soobins shoulder.

“The dude’s insane, I didn’t know what he was talking about. Thanks for the save Binie.”

Soobin turns around, now facing Yeonjun, “Why would you make him more angry,” Soobin yelled.

“Are you, yelling at me?”

“What if he hit you? What if you got hurt? Can you just think ahead for once?”

Yeonjun was taken back. He's never heard Soobin yell, and now he’s suddenly aware of how much bigger Soobin is.

“I was fucking defending myself, he was being an asshole!”

“You told him to hit you! That’s not defending yourself! That’s the opposite of defending yourself!”

“He wasn’t gonna do anything!”

“He was about to fucking punch you” Both Soobin and Yeonjun were surprised at Soobin’s curse. Soobin just sighed, “It doesn’t matter anymore, let's just go Hyung.”

“You’re gonna pretend you didn’t just yell at me? Do you have enough social skills to realize that's an asshole move,” Soobin stood there, face turning blank again. Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “Whatever, don’t call me or text me. I’m going with Beomgyu.”

Yeonjun picked up his things and walked out of the garden. A bad feeling settling in his stomach, but like most things: he ignores it. 

—-

“Wait wait wait- You’re telling me, he got angry at you for pissing off Jonghoon even more, and then you got angry at him for getting angry at you and saving your ass,” Beomgyu stared at him, an eyebrow raised slightly.

“When you put it like that it sounds stupid,” Yeonjun grabs the hair dye from the counter, “Plus I could have taken Jonghoon.”

“One; it is stupid, so stupid. Two; probably not. Three; What are you dying your hair to now?”

“Blonde. I'm bored of the blue.”

“Soobin isn’t gonna recognize you Hyung.”

“Good.”

Beomgyu’s eyebrows furrowed, “Are you really  _ that _ angry at him?”

“No. Im angry for getting angry at him for something that stupid,” Yeonjun started applying the bleach to his hair, “He’s always so calm and peaceful.., I feel nice with him and he just yelled at me and it didn’t feel like him. It reminded me of my dad.”

“You’re so gross, just kiss him dude you’re making me inpatient.”

“I have”

“What”

“I’ve literally kissed him.”

“And you’re not dating?”

“Nope,” Yeonjun tilted his head, gently applying more of the bleach.

“I hope you go bald Hyung.”

“Ew, don’t say that.”

“Please just, talk to him. I don’t think I can handle Taehyun and Huening Kai any longer.”

“What’d they do?”

“They keep asking me what happened because Soobin won’t tell them, apparently he’s been more quiet and staring off onto some random ass flower book, I don’t know I just like listening to Taehyun talk.”

Yeonjun stared at himself in the mirror, “fuck… Gyu I suck at apologies what do I say to him?”

“I'm sorry for overreacting at you for being reasonably angry, i’m in love with you and I want to fuck-“

“Ok i'm definitely not saying that.”

“Is Soobin a bottom-?”

“Please just shut up.”

Beomgyu started laughing, now helping Yeonjun apply the bleach to Yeonjun’s hair. 

—-

Soobin stared at his book, rereading the same sentence over and over because his head was to loud to understand it.

He’s never gotten angry. Not even when his sister ripped his book when he was 11, not even when his brother pushed him off his bike at 7. Not even when his Mom yelled at him. 

He didn’t know he was angry when he yelled at Yeonjun. He didn’t like how Jonghoon talked to him, how he didn’t even bother listening to Yeonjun. He didn’t like how Yeonjun didn’t try stopping him.

He yelled at Yeonjun. He doesn’t even remember what he said. He remembers Yeonjun telling him not to call or text him, and out of respect, Soobin hasn’t.

“If you don’t tell us Hyung we’ll go to Yeonjun and ask him,” Huening Kai said, half his body over the lunch table, “or we’ll force Taehyun’s boyfriend to tell us.”

“He’s not my boyfriend, and I’ve already asked him. He said he’ll ask Yeonjun.”

Soobin looked up to Huening Kai, “he said not to text or call him. You should respect that.”

“No, he told  _ you _ that,” Huening Kai smirked, “plus email doesn’t count as texting or calling.”

“Where did you even get his email,” Taehyun asked, looking down at his phone.

“I have connections,” Huening Kai sat back down, a smug look on his face.

Soobin book marked another page in his The Meaning of Flowers book, scribbling on his notebook quickly.

“Are you studying or something Hyung,” Taehyun questioned, eyeing the book.

“No,” Soobin quickly answered, finger following the lines in the book.

Taehyun looked over to Huening Kai who just shrugged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I REALLY don’t like how this turned out but thats ok! I stared and reread, and rewrote it so many times and i just couldn’t make it work so... here! I tried making it much longer! Thank you so much for the support! It makes me so incredibly happy!!


	7. zazpi

Soobin rubbed the sweat off his palms on his pants, re-grabbing the flowers and books. 

He looked at Yeonjun's houses, a weird feeling in his stomach, it makes him want to run away and pretend he’s another person. 

He walks up to the door, knocking on it, fixing his grip on the flowers he's holding. 

The door quickly opens, a man without a shirt and who looks like he's never slept or showered stands in front of Soobin. 

“What do you want, kid,” the man says with a bored expression on his face. 

Soobin stands taller, “i-is Yeonjun home?”

The man looks Soobin up and down then looking at the flowers in his hand, “are you two dating?”

Soobin shakes his head, “no sir”

The man grabs the door handle, “don’t lie to me.”

“We’re not dating sir.”

“I don’t like it when little punks like you lie straight to my face, do you take me for an idiot?”

Soobin’s heart started beating faster, the feeling telling him to run away getting stronger, “no sir. I just want to give him these books.”

The man steps closer, “Fucking leave you f-ggot before I do something you won’t like. My son doesn’t like men, especially little twinks like you,” the man slams the door in Soobin’s face.

Soobin’s mind blanked out. His head repeating the words. He looked down to the books he was holding, staring at the drops of water falling onto them. 

_ Is it raining? _

“Binnie?”

Soobin didn’t hear his name. Still staring down at his books, water drops covering the front page of his journal.

“Soobin!?”

Soobin felt himself shaking, his breathing unsteady, too fast for his lungs to get enough oxygen. It felt like he was drowning, like he couldn’t breath.

“I, I can’t breathe, I can't breathe. I'm going to die. I can’t breath.”

Soobin let go of the flowers and books, clenching his shirt, trying to breathe.

“Soobin you’re not gonna die. Look at me, turn around.”

Soobin turned around, still trying to breath. He was met with a blonde man, his vision too blurry to see who it was. 

“Breathe, you’re ok. Here just follow me, in and out,” The man placed his hand on top of Soobins (that's on his chest),” in and out. Yes, just like that. You’re ok, it’s ok.”

Soobin felt his heart calm down, his vision focusing again.

“Hyung…”

“Welcome back to earth bun,” Yeonjun patted his hair, a soft smile on his face.

“Your hair,”

“Yeah…, Beomgyu helped me.”

“Beomgyu…”

“You had a panic attack, what happened,” Yeonjun asked. Soobin stared at him, his mind was thinking too loud, too much happening, “you know what? Let’s go get ice cream.”

Soobin shaked his head.

“No? You want to go home?”

Soobin shaked his head again, turning around and flusteredly grabbing his book and journal, “I brought them… for you,” he handed them to Yeonjun, “please.., read the journal. I’ll go home on my own.”

“No, no. I can read this later. I’ll walk you home”

“Please hyung. Look at it, I…, I need to go home by myself. I want to think.”

Yeonjun bit his lip, “ok.., text me when you get home.”

“Ok. Goodbye Hyung.”

“Goodbye Binnie.”

Yeonjun watched Soobin slowly walk away. His figure going off down the street on the way to his house. Yeonjun turned, seeing flowers on the ground in front of his door, he picked them up carefully, reading the card attached to them. 

_ ‘A consolida: open heart. A red chrysanthemums; I love you. A Clematis; beauty, luxury, perfection, magnificence’ _

Yeonjun opened the door quickly, kicking it closed behind him and running to his room.

He opened the black journal up. It was sketches of flowers, all the different parts labeled different things. 

_ Page 1 _

_ Christmas Rose: peace and tranquility  _

_ Hyung walked home with me.  _

Yeonjun read each page, every writing Soobin wrote. Each flower had something to do with Yeonjun. 

_ Page 15 _

_ Fennel: strength _

_ Hyung had a fight with his dad. He was sad. He’s strong. _

Yeonjun teared up, the suspense rising in his stomach.

_ Page 54 _

_ Geranium: surpassing hardships _

_ I yelled at hyung today. He told me not to text or call him. I miss him. Im sorry Hyung. _

Yeonjun bit his lip.

_ Page 55 _

_ red tulip: Declaration of love, eternal love, irreversible love, perfect love _

_ I'm gonna tell him today. I hope he feels the same. _

_ Page 56 _

_ Red chrysanthemums: I love you _

Yeonjun held the book to his forehead, the sudden realization that Soobin  _ loved him _ was too much. 

He loved him. Soobin loved Yeonjun. 

Yeonjun sobbed against the book.

Soobin was telling him the whole time, telling him through his own way, his own language

He turned the page again.

_ Page 57 _

_ “I hope I'm with you while you read this. I’m not good with words so I tried telling you through another language. I'm sorry for yelling at you, I was scared that he was gonna hurt you. I wanted you to be safe and i didn’t know how to tell you i was worried so i yelled at you. I know I'm not the most attractive person,” _ Yeonjun scuffed,  _ “and I'm too tall. I'm also an introvert and you’re an extrovert, I don’t know what I feel and when I do I can’t put it into words. But I love you hyung. I hope you can give me a chance, if not, forget this happened. We can stay friends.” _

Yeonjun shaked his head. 

“I shouldn’t have let him go home,” he thinks out loud. 

Yeonjun closes the journal, looking over to the 3 meanings of flower books. The books were filled with bookmarks, he opened the first book mark. 

**Sea Lavender**

_ DescriptionLimonium is a genus of 120 flowering plant species. Members are also known as sea-lavender, statice, caspia or marsh-rosemary. Despite their common names, species are not related to the lavenders or to rosemary. They are instead in Plumbaginaceae, the plumbago or leadwort family. _

**_They represent lasting beauty_ ** .

The ending was highlighted, a small sticky note on the side reading:  _ hyung _

Yeonjun sobbed again.

“He's so cute”

He read every book mark, every small sticky note, every small note Soobin wrote on the side, every highlight, every flower. 

Yeonjun looked over to his phone, a notification on the lock screen.

**Binnie 🐰: I got home safe.**

Yeonjun bit his lip.

**Junie 🦊: Are you home alone?**

A couple seconds passed and Yeonjun sat in anticipation.

**Binnie 🐰: Yes.**

**Junie 🦊: Can I come over?**

Soobin took a long time to type. The ‘ _ Typing _ ’ coming and going. 

**Binnie 🐰: Ok.**

**Junie 🦊: omw**

Yeonjun grabbed extra clothes, stuffing them onto his backpack, he grabbed the books, carefully putting them into his bag, being careful with the book bookmarks on the side.

He closed his bedroom door, walking towards his front door.

“Where are you going,” His father asked from the living room couch.

“Friends house,” Yeonjun answered carefully.

“Someone asked for you today, some tall f-g, he had flowers like he wanted to ask you out. told him to leave, I said my son doesn’t like men,” his father turned his head to face Yeonjun, “don’t go around making friends like that.”

Yeonjun felt his blood pressure rise, the grip on his back pack suddenly much stronger, he breathed out heavily, slamming his front door closed and running to Soobins house. 

—-

He knocked on Soobin’s door, he nervously played with the strings on his hoodie. 

Soobin opened the door, hair messy, a black hoodie too big on him and black sweatpants. 

“Hi hyung”

“Hi Binnie,” Yeonjun looked at Soobin who was avoiding eye contact, “I-“

“let’s go to my room.”

Yeonjun nodded, following Soobin to his room. Soobin looked stiff, like he was expecting Yeonjun to blow up.

Soobin opened the door in his room, letting Yeonjun walk him before closing it behind him.

“I like your hair, it suits you,” Soobin plays with his hands, looking down.

“Thanks but it killed my hair,” Yeonjun chuckled, patting his hair down.

Soobin walked over the the bunny cage, looking at Soobun lay down, “did you see everything?”

“Yeah, it was beautiful,” Yeonjun walked over next to Soobin.

“How do you feel,” Soobin looked to Yeonjun, lips pressed together, arms pressed to his side.

Yeonjun gave an awkward kiss to Soobin. He was too stiff and they were in an awkward position but he didn’t care, he wanted to  _ show _ him what he felt.

His heart broke when he felt the wet and saltines invade their kiss.

_ Soobin was crying _

He broke the kiss, now biting his lip and playing with his hands.

Yeonjun was in awe because Soobin is the prettiest person to ever live.

His lips were red and so pretty and plump, his cheeks were dusted a pretty pink, eyes shining from the tears, even his nose was a little pink.

“W-was that to make me feel better,” Soobin asked quietly, his hands coming up to brush away the tears on his face.

“No silly bunny, I love you.”

Yeonjun’s heart exploded when he said it because he  _ finally _ said it, it felt like he was taking his first breath. He wondered if Soobin felt the same things.

Soobin breathed out heavily and closed his eyes, a tear coming out of his left eye.

Yeonjun got on his tippy toes planting kisses all over Soobin’s face, “i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you-“

Soobin’s face scrunched up cutely, “Ok, Yes, I love you too Hyung.”

Yeonjun beamed, “you’re so cute baby.”

Soobin blushed, like actually  _ blushed,  _ “H-Hyung you can’t say that.” 

Yeonjun smiled harder, if that was even possible, he probably looked like an idiot but he didn’t care, “Do you not want me calling you that Bin?”

Soobin shook his head cutely, “No, I mean, I'm ok with it if you are it's just.., embarrassing.”

“I feel like I have to kiss you one million times or else I will die,” Yeonjun groaned dramatically.

“Don’t be so dramatic Hyung…, but you should do that, just in case.”

“Yeah just in case,” Yeonjun repeated, pulling Soobin closer to give him one million kisses.

Soobin happily leaned in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this 29271919 years ago but i've been too nervous to post it... i hope you like it 🥺

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by another story but I can’t remember it!! Anyways; i haven’t written anything in a SUPER long time so i'm sorry if it kinda sucks... please let me know about any mistakes because i'm the only one proof reading this... thanks for reading! Kudos would be appreciated!


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